October 13, 2015

Non-Fiction: Death by Umbrellas


This morning as we were getting out of the car at church for bible study, I saw one of those big black fuzzy jumping spiders sneak inside under the floor mat in the back seat just behind the driver's seat. I yelled at the girls to hurry and get out so I could go after it but it was too late. The spider had disappeared….no where to be found.

As we walked into church I prayed that we would find the spider when we came out because I certainly did not want to drive with a giant jumping spider roaming free in my car.

After bible study, I picked the girls up from the nursery and we went to the car. My palms were sweaty and I couldn't even think about driving until we found and killed that spider. When we got to the car, before letting the girls in, I opened the door and did a quick survey of the floor in both the front and back seat. No sign of that spider anywhere. There were, however, already signs of webbing under the driver's seat. I started to get sick at my stomach. That darn spider had to be in there somewhere but where?

I went to the back and armed each of us with an umbrella. Tillie, my brave little girl, voluntarily went in first. The girls jumped up and down all over the floor mats in hopes to squish that little devil. Then we all poked and prodded every nook and cranny of that car but was never able to lure him out. After several minutes, I gave up and was able to convince myself that it was gone….had snuck out through some little crevice in the car and if not, I would just park it outside in the hot sun (it's still in the upper 80's here) and hopefully fry the little sucker. We all got in, buckled up and off we went.

I really needed to go to Target but could I stay in the car that long believing that there might still be an evil fuzzy creature roaming free? Would he crawl up my leg and send me into a complete nervous breakdown? Would there be a viral video of another woman jumping out of her car because of a spider? Even though these were all possibilities, I decided to suck it up and go.

We get to Target, I get out of the car, unbuckle Tensley, go around to unbuckle Tillie and then I go to the passenger side front seat to grab my Target bags. When I leaned in the car, I spotted it. That sneaky black fuzzy eight legged creepy crawly spider. He/she was right there IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR MAT ON THE DRIVER'S SIDE! I HAD DRIVEN ALL THE WAY TO TARGET WITH THAT THING UNDER ME THE WHOLE TIME!!!!!

The girls, still armed with their umbrellas started pounding at it as I ran back around to the driver's side and opened the door to make sure one of the three of us got it. (In case you're wondering, the aim of a four year old is not that great.) When I got around to the driver's side, that sneaky little devil sped out of the car and in between the seal of the door and the car! I took my umbrella, which had a pointy tip and poked around at the seal because I wanted to make sure that sucker died! He finally fell to the ground and met his untimely death.

We each took turns pounding that spider with our umbrellas until we were absolutely sure it was dead.

Death by 3 females armed with umbrellas.

If that's not girl power, I don't know what is.

P.S. When we got back to our car, the squished spider was gone! I'm really, really, really hoping one of the birds that were swarming the parking lot got it because zombie spiders that come back from the dead? No thank you!

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