October 24, 2013

Mom Life: The Day I Totally Lost It

I'm writing this post because I want all moms to know that there are trials in parenting…some worse than others, and I want to let you know, and hopefully confirm that we are not alone when days like this happen.

So as I mentioned last week, it was a trying week with the girls not sleeping well and discovering my thyroid levels were completely off. Just as I thought we were back to "normal", Hubs left on Friday for his annual Fall fishing trip. I kept us girls busy so we wouldn't drive each other crazy but we were tired by the end of the weekend.

I thought with Hubs being back, our week would get better and maybe be a little less chaotic. Boy was I wrong.

*The names in parts of this story have been withheld to protect the reputation of my girls. However, if you are a close friend or family, you know who I'm talking about. :)

Monday turned out to be a pretty awful day for me. It's been getting pretty cold here and the girls have outgrown all of their coats & jackets so I loaded us up Monday morning to go to the outlet mall. We weren't there long before I decided it wasn't worth it. Both girls were whining and fighting and I just gave in and left.

On the way home I decided to drive by the house to see what progress had been made. Tensley had fallen asleep and Tillie was close to falling asleep so I decided to go through Starbucks drive-thru. Maybe, just maybe Tillie would fall asleep and I could actually get out of the car and look around when I got to the house.

When we finally got home (which was after our typical nap time), I was so ready to take a nap (I didn't get much sleep over the weekend). Tensley didn't sleep long so I figured I could put them in bed with some books and take a little power nap myself. I changed one of the girls and when I came out of their room to get the other one, I spotted her standing on a step stool at the bar with my full cup of hot caramel macchiato in hand.

Just a little background info on one of my littles…..She is a thrower. When she gets in trouble for having something she's not supposed to have, she has a tendency to throw it down.

When I noticed her holding the hot cup of coffee, I slowly made my way toward her and was all nonchalant saying, "Hey, sissy! What do you have……" and before I could get that sentence out of my mouth I see the cup fly out of her hands. The stopper flew out of the lid and I'm not sure if the lid came off in mid air or if it came off when it hit the ground. All I know is that there was an entire cup of coffee soaking the living room floor.

I was SO. MAD. I told both girls to stay where they were and ran into the kitchen to grab the paper towels. As I was sopping up the spilled coffee I just started crying. Apparently, the past week (and my whacked out thyroid) had taken a toll on me. All I could think was that age 2 was going to be the end of me. I would not survive.

I continued to attempt to clean up the coffee and at one point one of the girls took off with the paper towels. I got them back from her and then she raised her arm and hit me as hard as she could on my back. When I told her "no, we didn't hit", she then proceeded to hit me in the face. At that point I was DONE. Both girls were put in their cribs, told to go night night and then I walked out and shut the door.

This is when I totally lost it. I'm talking full on ugly crying. Sobbing actually. I called my mom to talk me down and it helped a little but I was still just so angry. I felt like I had lost all "control" when it came to my girls. I started to question my abilities as a parent…as a mom. I finished cleaning up and went to bed and prayed until I dozed off.

Tomorrow I'll post what happened next…..

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  1. Yes, we all have that when ish hit the fan moment. Thank you for being honest and writing the not so beautiful moments of mommyhood. I have gone off once when the girls locked me in the closet. I was PISSED. I don't know how old your girls are, my twins are two years old. I chuckled to myself when you wrote that you hoped when you went to the drive thru, one of the twins would go to sleep. I do that too. I drive as far as I can hoping that they will fall asleep so I can continue to run errands. I'm surprise this is the first time you actually lost it....or is it?

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  2. We have so all been there. I remember calling my mom once and saying through tears "if I can't drop them off now I'll never survive, I just need an hour....ALONE!" I was sobbing. Bad day. :) we all have them. And coffee going to it's death that way is ALWAYS heart breaking. :)


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