September 9, 2013

Ugh

08 20 13_4990

It seems like it was easier to recover from the tornado that took our first home back in 1999. I say easier because I had time grieve. Lots of time. I slept a lot. Even when I went back to work, for the first few months afterward, I'd go to wherever my home was during that time and sleep.

Recovering from the tornado that destroyed our house this year seems harder. This time, we have two 2 year olds…..there has been no time to grieve. I also wasn't able to help much with the clean up efforts. As a woman, it's hard to know that someone else is going through your house…..your things and deciding what is salvageable and what is not. Sure, James would text me pictures or call but it just wasn't the same. I did get to pack up my craft room….although I'm pretty sure a lot of it will be thrown away when I have a chance to go through those boxes. Paper and fabric don't do well when mixed with water and dirt and then packed up in a plastic box. I can just imagine the smell that will hit me when I open the lids to those boxes. It will smell like…….tornado.

Building a house this go round seems harder too. The first time, the house we built…the one we just lost…was a cookie cutter house and we didn't have a lot of money to be able to do upgrades. We just built the biggest house we could with the money we had.

This house? This house we are trying to build is our dream house. There are SO many decisions that have to be made. I can't even tell you how many times we have changed the plans….not many major plans just a lot of little tweaks. We have our pre-construction meeting the end of this week and we are still making changes! I'm sure our builder just cringes when he sees an email or text from us. Ha! But we want to get it right.

We want to get it right but man the waiting! We're getting closer to starting construction but still haven't. I. cant. stand. the. waiting. I am an instant gratification type of person. I want it an I want it now! Add in the feelings of being totally displaced and the waiting is even harder. And if that wasn't enough, I know from experience that even once we start building, there will be more waiting. Waiting because the weather, waiting because the inspector has to come out before they can proceed, waiting because materials haven't been delivered yet, blah, blah, blah.

To make matters worse, I found out my thyroid levels are way off. I have been hyper-thyroid for who knows how long (I was diagnosed with thyroid disease years ago). Looking back, it would explain my rapid weight loss and moodiness….things I thought were due to a natural disaster turning my life upside down. I guess the joke is on me.

It could also explain the this poor me post.

I know it will all get better. It has to. I'll probably be a little more optimistic after our meeting this week….and once my thyroid is under control again. But right now? Right now I just want to whine….and sleep…..and be back in my house…..my home!

Thanks for reading my rant. I feel better now. If you're a praying person, will you pray for me? For me to find the joy in the right now? To be patient and enjoy the process?

Please just pray for me because…………...ugh.

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