March 4, 2013

Moving Forward

…or at least I’m trying to.

Our pregnancy test was negative. I am sad. Way more sad than I had expected.

I was right when I posted on Thursday that it would feel like a loss. I feel a huge sense of loss. It’s so different than all the past negative pregnancy tests. Before, there wasn’t really anything tangible so it was just disappointing to see that negative result.

This time it’s so much worse. I mean, I have a picture of my little embryo babies that were transferred. How can I not feel a sense of loss?

I was pretty sad Thursday. It was my mom’s birthday so we celebrated that evening. I did ok. Friday, I kept myself busy and went about our normal schedule. I do think I started having somewhat of a hormone crash since I just stopped the progesterone and estrogen patches…cold turkey. They really should have you taper off those things. Hormones suck!

Yesterday was the worst. I just felt blah all day. When I went to bed, I just laid there and couldn’t sleep. Then, all of the sudden, I was completely grief stricken. It has carried over today. I’ll be ok for awhile and then it hits.

We have two more embryos and thought we would just go straight into another cycle if this one didn’t work but I’ve decided to skip a month and start with my next cycle. I need a break.

I have prayed for all of my embryo babies since day one so I know this was all in God’s plan. It doesn’t make it any easier but I do find some comfort in knowing that.

So I will continue to move forward and enjoy the babies I have right now. :)

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5 comments:

  1. I think I typed no less than 10 different comments here and deleted all of them before I hit "publish." None of them sounded right or as genuine as I meant them, so I'll just say this:

    I'm so sorry this wasn't the cycle :-( It's hard and in a way it was a loss - you lost the hopes and dreams you had for those particular embryos. I'm so glad you've found even the smallest bit of comfort in knowing it's all part of the plan. Keep your head up and good luck on the next go 'round.

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  2. Oh girl, I am so sorry to hear this :( I have been thinking about you. I can imagine how hard this must be- when we went through IUI we had 2 negative cycles and were going to try one more before moving onto IVF. I was so disappointed and sad so we skipped a month and on the next try we got the twins. So maybe taking a month off will be good! Refresh you a little bit. Praying for you! :)

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  3. I'm so sorry for you Heather. I can't say much more than that except to tell you that you've been in my prayers since I saw on Twitter. I hope that brings you some comfort.

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