September 10, 2012

Here We Go Again

It all started last Thursday evening when I went to the store. We needed milk for the girls and then I decided not to cook so I had to pick up dinner too.

As I pulled into the parking lot of the grocery store, I started thinking about how it felt like the only time I ever got to leave the house was to buy food or go to doctor’s appointments for the girls or physical therapy appointments for Tillie.

Then I started feeling overwhelmed and started to feel sorry for myself. I’m tired of food & being in the kitchen. I’m tired of menu planning and bill paying and home organizing and cleaning. I was in a bad mood the rest of the night.

I woke up Friday a little better but those thoughts were still on my mind. I woke earlier than I have lately. I grabbed my phone and read a chapter of Proverbs from my She Reads Truth devotional (I’m way behind right now…like 2 weeks behind). Then I just continued to lay in bed. I started to think about the things I needed and wanted to get done then God whispered to me, “Get up and go do your Yoga!” I didn’t move. I kept making my mental to-do list.

Then it felt like he shouted at me, “Go do Yoga!”

“Alright, I’m getting up! I hastily replied.

I got up. I did yoga. Bad attitude still there. I continued my pity party through the day and even cried a couple of times. Little things kept happening that would just irritate me. You know, tiny things like stubbing your toe. I HATE feeling like this.

Friday night after the girls went to bed I took a shower then told James that I just wanted to lay in bed, watch TV, read blogs, work on designs. So I headed to bed and started reading some blogs.

Wow. Did you know God could speak to you through blogs? Actually, He speaks to you wherever you are. You just have to listen.

Blog post after blog post seemed to be just what I needed to hear. It was crazy! I mean, did all these bloggers get together and all decide to write about the same thing?!

So God is working on my heart. He’s working on me about complaining. You see, I seem to be a complainer by nature and I anger easily when things don’t always go my way (I’m a Type B with Type A tendencies). I blame the red hair. The thing is, I HATE this about me. I really do.

So I’m learning and working on myself. I’m working on letting things go…to not let things get the best of me. I’m working on taming my tongue….on complaining out loud. I need to learn to complain to Him and not to those around me. Only He can fix me.

I woke up Saturday in a MUCH better mood. All I needed was time with God and time for myself. It’s hard being a mom and wife and the CEO/CFO/COO/Cook/Janitor/Director of Activities of Mills, Inc. But it’s my job. A job I love. It’s just sometimes, like anyone who works outside the home, I just need a break from it all (a vacation would be nice but a break here and there would suffice).

No more 2 week breaks from my quiet time with God and Yoga. ;)

Some verses that stood out to me this in the last couple of days…

Blows and wounds cleanse away evil, and beatings purge the inmost being.

Proverbs 20.30

See! Bad days have a purpose. I hate getting beat up but sometimes I need a good whooping to get me back on track.

He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity

Proverbs 21.31

My complaining really just makes things worse…for myself and those around me. I don’t like the fact that my tongue can cause calamity. I want people to like me and complaining is NOT the way to accomplish that.

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.

Proverbs 22.24

Wow, when I noted this during my quiet time, I was thinking of social media and how I have come across several people who are “hot-tempered” and how it’s brought me down a bit and that I need to remove these people from my stream but man, God just smacked me upside my head again.

I am also this person. I have hot-tempered tendencies (again, I blame the red hair…I color it but it doesn’t seem to matter, ha!) Again, I need to tame my tongue. I enjoy having friends. I don’t want to scare them all away. Ugh. Ok God, I hear you loud and clear.

So here we go again. I have fallen and I’m leaning on God as he picks me up and dusts me off.

I am a work in progress.

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3 comments:

  1. You have no idea how this resonated with me today! I have been reading your blog for awhile and enjoy the pictures of your little sweeties. My kiddos are big now and oh how I miss those days when they were little! I too have been on a major pity party and am way behind on my devotional. I just felt like I could totally relate to how you were feeling. Thanks for sharing and making me realize I need to spend more quiet time with God so that I may too be picked back up and allow myself to get refocused!
    Thanks again for sharing!
    Chele, KS

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  2. I LOVE this post. Some days I feel like that too- that all I do is cater to everyone's whims and need with never a chance to regroup for myself. But guess what? That is what the Lord called me to do. And he blessed me with a husband who would LET me have that time, if I wasn't stubborn enough to ask for it.

    :)

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  3. So this post. exactly. Yours is the first I've read that takes the words right outta my mouth. I opened up about this on the weekend with the Hubby. I just need a little break once in a while, away from the house and stuff :)

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