March 20, 2012

Someone, Please Tell Me I’m Not Alone

Loneliness & defeat.

These are things I’ve been struggling with lately…no, I take that back. I’ve been struggling with it for quite a while.

I love being a SAHM to TnT but sometimes it gets lonely. Being with them makes me happy. We play, and we cuddle, and we giggle. Life with twins is good. But, I do miss the interaction with adults.

When James gets home, it’s still all about babies and with bedtime being what it is right now, we don’t get any time to ourselves. Date nights are very rare. Getting a baby sitter for twins is hard. Taking care of two babies is hard. It’s not for the weak. Just ask my family. When James’s mom was in the hospital and we went for the day, my family worked in shifts to take care of the girls…because it’s exhausting.

I enjoy interacting with adults in the virtual world…especially my twitter moms… but it just isn’t the same. My fellow virtual moms are encouraging and supportive but I can’t go and have a cup of coffee with them or meet them at Chick-fil-A for a play date or have a girls night out. I need to meet some other SAHM moms.

On defeat…
I can be a domestic diva….if I have time. I love to cook. I love things to be neat and tidy and organized. I knew going in that with two babies there might be a little bit of a struggle with this but I had no idea how bad it would be. Take this blog post for instance…I started it 3 hours ago and am still working on it. Not because I can’t find the words to type but because I am caring for TWO babies. This one needs a diaper change so I change the diaper, that one is fussy because she’s sleepy so I put both girls down for a nap. Well, that one doesn’t think she’s sleepy so she cries & whines and moans until she finally falls asleep. Then the other one wakes up and fusses so she wakes up the sleeping one. It’s a never ending battle. The simplest tasks such as cleaning the kitchen can take up to 2 hours. In this area, I feel defeated.

I chose to be a SAHM not because I don’t want to work but because I didn’t want to send my babies to daycare….and also because the cost of daycare for two babies is insane. In fact, I actually wanted to be a WAHM. I have 2 Etsy shops and a photography business that are pretty much sitting idle right now. I would love to be able to contribute to our family at least a little bit but I am learning that even that is practically impossible without having help in some form. A lot of moms have told me they work after their children go to bed. That would be nice if mine would actually go to sleep at a decent hour! In this area, I also feel defeated.

I know several women warned me about the loneliness of being a SAHM and the struggle to keep a house going but I wanted it. I still do. I just need to figure out some balance. I’ve tried schedules and organizational notebooks but neither has worked that great for me so far.

I’m sorry to be such a Debbie Downer today but I just needed to vent. Again, don’t get me wrong, I feel very, very blessed to have my girls and to be able to stay at home with them. I enjoy every moment I have with them. Everyone is great with encouraging words and virtual hugs and I totally appreciated it. People have been telling me for months that it will get better and I know it will….I just wish someone could tell me when. I just need things to change and trying to figure out how to do this has just left me feeling lonely and defeated.

Someone please tell me I’m not alone. Or that you went through the same thing and figured out how to have it all….or at least almost all. And if you have figured it out, please share your secrets.

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  1. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I know it is not easy to juggle it all. Have you tried getting involved in a multiples club in your area? I joined mine right before the twins were born and it has been a great resource for me to have other mothers who are going through the same thing. It is great to have those with little's the same age and those who have ones that are older to give advice from their experience. Our meets once a month and then has playdates and Mom's nights out throughout the month. I hope you find this outlet I know it is so important to have interaction with someone other than babies.

  2. I understand completely! I am a sahm to 3 and we homeschool. My house stays a certifiable disaster area and sometimes I'm pretty sure I need a straight jacket and padded room. But, the knowledge that this is a season that in reality is passing all too quickly for my liking keeps me hanging in there. I would try and find some way to connect with other sahm's in your area, maybe google a group in your town. You absolutely do need that interaction and encouragement to keep going! Hang in there:) They'll be big soon enough for you to get done what you want!!

  3. You aren't alone, in fact, I posted about this last week. Being a mom is a 24/7 all the time job abd it's exhausting. Schedules and baths and eating and napping? Makes my head spin. I've really learned to just take each day as it comes and know that I can't be superwoman.

  4. Hugs to you, Mama! You are doing a great job. I feel overwhelmed with Hunter sometimes & he is my only child (and I work outside the home). It definitely gets easier the older the kids get. I'm sure once the twins are a little older, you can find babysitters more. Maybe a high school or college girl that needs to make some extra $. I struggle with keeping the house clean, cooking, and feeling like I have enough time with Hunter since I work full time. I think both working moms (outside the home) and stay at home moms have their disadvantages and advantages. I have just learned that my house is never going to be as clean as I want it to be and that I'm never going to have time to do all the things I really want to do. But, one day (sooner than we think) our kids will be grown & we'll have time to do all those things. Then, we'll probably miss these days of the craziness. I also struggle because none of my close friends have kids. It is hard for them to relate to me. :(

  5. I can't tell you when it will get better for you, since every situation is different, but for me it started getting better when Sebastian was 2. Now he is three, and I don't have to do every single thing for him. He gets dressed by himself, goes to the potty by himself, does his chores by himself, gets his own snacks & drinks...there's really not much that I have to help him with at this point. I'm hoping that our younger two kids will be just as independent as he is, because it is so exhausting doing everything for little people - no matter how precious they are or how lucky you are to have them. It's just exhausting.

  6. I am in the same boat as you! However, I don't even dream of getting any house work done haha. Our girls fall
    asleep around 11pm and then I just want to pump and sleep. I've been trying to start a blog for months now and haven't been able to. I also can't get them on any kind of nap schedule. You are not alone!!! Don't be so hard on yourself and absolutely find a multiples club in your area. I'm trying to do so myself! Cheer up momma! Your doing an amazing job!

  7. You are not alone at all! I completely understand how you feel and I only have one! You are doing a wonderful job! =)

  8. you are definitely NOT alone!!! We are treading similar waters, lady!

    SO thankful to Twitter to get on and chat when I have time!! I so wish we lived close...closer...we aren't far, but same neighborhood would be great....same town would work, too! Move?

  9. You are not alone! Try scheduling a "girls night in" at your house, a girlfriend's house, or even a restaurant, and just chit chat over a glass of wine (or two!) after the kiddos are in bed. I put in great efforts to do this every other week, and it has definitely helped my loneliness. :)
    Oh, and your girls are absolutely precious....I also have TnT girls, Tegan and Tyler!

  10. You are definately not alone! I don't have multiples and I still have days that I feel like I have not accomplished a darn thing. I think for us momma's that had a career before babies and are naturally extroverts it is very hard. Just as you feel...I would not change a thing about being home with my babies. I do love it even though sometimes I feel like I don't. Try to find your self a MOPS group through church or, or a play group near you it will help. I always try to remember this is just a season of my life. In reality a very short season. From what I gather you are very similar to me in the fact that having a clean organized home makes your inner self very happy. I decided a few years ago to pray and ask god for help with my frustrations in this area. I am an over achiever that couldn't figure out why I couldn't keep my home up to my expectations and care for my children to my expectations all while keeping my sanity. Well...he has been working on me! He has helped me to realize that my home will not be able to be the way I want it to be right now. That there is plenty of time for that in a future season of my life. So as long as I keep my house somewhat picked up and clean to the point that I can be comfortable I have found my self less stressed. I sure hope you find what works for you. I know how hard it is you are not alone!

  11. You are NOT alone girlfriend!!! This is just the life of having twins!!! It's very rewarding and we are VERY blessed...but it is also hard. Trust me...I know how you feel. :) God promised us he would not put anymore on us than we can handle. He must know we can handle it. haha

  12. Hey there, I came across your blog recently and can totally relate to this posting! We have 4 1/2 month old twin girls and I've always worked but decided to stay home with them for now. It's really hard when you are used to working and having an adult social life :)! I have felt the same way...I did join a Mommy and Me yoga class and have started meeting other stay at home's made a huge difference! Just wanted to say hi and I feel ya sister! :)



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